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Cocktail
Jokes, Drink Humor, Bartender Puns
Tip
the bartender for hammered alcohol jokes, blitzed brewed humor, and plastered
drink puns.
Bar Puns, Bartender Jokes, Drinking Humor
(Because Funny Bar Jokes Could
Never Be TOO Mainstream If You're Crocked, Loaded,
Looped or Totally Blotto!) |
Warning:
Proceed with Booze Caution! Juiced jokes, pickled humor,
lit up laughter and potted puns ahead.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor and Brewed Puns
| 1 | 2 |
3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Lovers Jokes | 2
| 3 | Women
Drinking Jokes | Manly Drinking Jokes
| Drunken Gnomes |
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into the Bar | Space Bar Puns
| Scary Drinks | Holiday
Drinks |
Warning:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to believe you
are invisible – or even worse, bulletproof!
Drunk
Fact of the Day: Alcohol is never the answer, but it does
make the question go away.
Roll
of duct tape walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What
can I get you?" Duct tape says, "I'll just stick
to my usual."
Drinking
Fact of the Day: You should limit your alcohol consumption
to days that start with T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today,
Tomorrow. |
A
bee walks into a bar. Bartender mockingly says, "What'll
it BEE pal?" The bee sneers, "Why don't you just
buzz off?"
Tree
walks into a bar. Bartender says, "You better leave."
When the tree doesn't leaf, the barman says, "You
must take me for a sap!" Tree replies, "Stop
barking and pour me a logger!"
Drunken
Point to Ponder: When the Hulk goes off in a rage and destroys
everything in sight, he's Incredible. But when
Bruce Banner does that, he has a drinking problem?
|
Q.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
A. Because wine snobs hate them!
"I
cook with food. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
– W.C. Fields
Q.
How do you know vino is fickle?
A. It's motto is: Love the Wine Your With.
Fine
Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe,
I'd like to go inside your cellar and pull me out a stiff
one!
Forgive
me, for I have zinned! |
Every
box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have
become wine.
Q.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
A. Because it was too corky.
Q.
What did the wise aged bottle of wine say to the bottle
of wine that lost its cork?
A. Don't worry. Everything happens for a Riesling.
A
meal without wine is called breakfast.
Q.
How do penguins take their bar drinks?
A. On the rocks. |
Autocorrect
changed Morning Run to Morning Rum. Change
of plans, guys.
A
roll of tape walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What
would you like?" The tape says, "Make it a Scotch."
Drunken
Asshole Words of the Day: I like my women like I like my
whiskey – light brown, from the South, and kept in
a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions.
Q.
What is the most popular cocktail at the mollusk saloon?
A. The Rusty Snail.
|
This
may be the beer talking, but I'd like another beer.
Q.
Why did the talkative blonde order the house draft beer
for the whole table?
A. Because a pitcher is worth a thousand words!
Beer
is like pouring smiles on your brain.
Q.
How is a beer better than a woman?
A. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up
a beer!
Hopped
Up Point to Ponder: How can beer make you dumb, if it made
Budweiser? |
I told my wife that a man is like fine wine; husbands get
better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine
cellar.
It's
Daylight Saving Time! So remember to change your wine clock
from red to white!
Life
is too short to drink bad wine.
A
nun walks into a bar with her clothes on inside out. When
the bartender asked her about it, she replied, "It's
a bad habit."
How
Merlot can you go? |
Q.
What did the bartender say after the beaver walked into
his bar?
A. Please shut the dam door!
I
give in to Beer Pressure.
Q.
How is a beer better than a woman?
A. You can share a beer with a friend!
There
are no strong beers, only weak men.
Warning:
The consumption of alcohol may make you wonder where the
hell your pants are!
|
Don't
cry over spilled milk. It could have been beer.
A
giraffe walks into a bar. "Sorry", said the bartender,
"We don't serve Heineken here."
Deja
Brew: Haven't we heard this pub pun before?
Q.
How is a beer better than a woman?
A. If you pour a beer well, you always get good head.
A.
The answer is BEER! Nobody ever cares what the question
is! |
The
Measles walks into a bar. Bartender announces, "Free
shots for everybody!"
Drunken
Fact of the Day: Vodka is made from potatoes. Potatoes are
vegetables. Vegetables are good for you!
Bartender
Fact of the Day: Bartenders do it on the rocks!
Q.
What do you get if you plant pumpkin spice latte and water
it with vodka?
A. A sorority!
They're
filming a new Renee Zellweger movie in Cuba. It's called
"Bridget Jones Daiquiri."
A
banana walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry,
pal, but you've got to split."
Pick
Up a Bartender Line: Hey babe, here's a tip
for you, you should go out with me! |
An
alien, an astronaut, and a comet walk into a bar. Bartender
says, "You're out of this world."
An
alien walks into a bar hoping to meet someone out of this
world...
Alcohol
Point to Ponder: Time is never wasted if you're wasted all
the time!
A
drunken man gets on a bus, staggers down the aisle, and
sits next to an old lady. She looks at him and says, "I've
got news for you. You're going straight to hell." The
drunk jumps up and screams, "Whoa, I'm on the wrong
bus!"
Q.
What did the guy think when the drunken ventriloquist said
she wanted to sleep with the bartender?
A. He didn't know if it was she or the beer talking.
|
Q.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
A. I am drinking wine and feline fine!
She:
"I love you so much, I could never live without you."
He: "Is that you talking, or the wine?" She: It's
me, talking to the wine!"
Q.
Which day of the week do vintners celebrate?
A. Winesday!
Q.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
A. Through the grapevine.
Q.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
A. The Reds!
Q.
What did the over-enthusiastic party goer say to the host
at midnight?
A. Mind if I hang over at your place in the morning?
|
|
Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor and Brewed Puns
| 1 | 2 |
3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
|
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
|
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
Puns |
You've lasted this far, so cheer's
even more vine laughter, brewed
jokes,
highly funny humor, and tipsy
painful puns that'll make you say Cheers!:
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More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Astronaut Jokes | Blonde
Jokes | Broncos Jokes |
Chef Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Criminal Puns | Hipster
Jokes |
| Light Bulb Jokes | Music
Jokes | Pickled Puns | Pirate
Jokes | Poker Jokes | Police
Jokes | Religion Jokes |
| Saturday Puns | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Weed
Jokes | Zombie Jokes |
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for stopping by and see you again soon!
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