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Drinking
Jokes, Bar Puns, Liquored Up Laughs
Belly
up to the bar for cocktail jokes, drink humor, liquid refreshment laughs,
and booze puns.
Cocktail Puns, Alcoholic Jokes, Drink Humor
(Because Wasted Drink Jokes
and Crocked Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream
Unless You're in Rehab!) |
Warning:
Proceed at Your Own Risk! Liquor jokes, high proof humor, and plastered
cocktail puns ahead.
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka LOLs | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Cold Beer Jokes | Ale-ful
Colorado Craft Beer Puns | Beer
IS Better Than... | Bartender
Jokes |
| Wine Jokes | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes
| Scary Drink Puns | Holiday
Drinks |
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into a Bar Jokes | Sci-Fi Space
Bar Puns | Bar Pick-Up Lines
|
A
ceiling fan walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a
beer, but I can't pay you until tomorrow." Bartender
says, "Look, we've gone round and round about this."
Drinking
Fact of the Day: You should limit your alcohol consumption
to days that start with T: Tuesday, Thursday, Today,
Tomorrow.
A
potato walks into a bar, and all eyes were on him.
Q.
What do you call the guy who drank vodka and ended up in
a mental hospital?
A. An Absolut madman. |
Drinking
Fact of the Day: You should strictly limit your alcohol
consumption to days that end in Y.
Q.
What happens when a ghost drinks too much Tennessee whiskey?
A. It ends up sheet faced!
A
period walks into a bar and says, "This place is a
dump." The bartender looks at him and says, "You
make a good point."
Whiskey
Wisdom of he Day: When life gives you lemons, make whiskey
sours!
|
A
vampire walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Let me guess.
A Bloody Mary?"
A
rope ties itself into a knot, walks into a bar, and orders,
"Beer please." Bartender says, "Why knot?"
Drinking
Fact of the Day: You should limit your alcohol consumption
to two days per year – your birthday and not your
birthday!
Some
things are better left unsaid, but I'll probably get drunk
on Xmas and say them anyway. |
Q.
How do you make the perfect martini?
A. Dump the gin, vermouth, and olives in the trash where
they belong, and open a bottle of Jack Daniels!
Drunk
Fact of the Day: Alcohol is never the answer, but it does
make the question go away.
Math
teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in
the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking
problem."
Bar
Rules:
1. Bartender is always right.
2. If bartender is wrong, see rule #1. |
Bar
Fly Words of the Day: I am in a committed relationship
– with Jose Cuervo.
A
guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Want to register
for our drawing? We're giving away a set of kidney stones."
The guy says, "Nah, I'll pass."
My
girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes
her look sexy ... so I got drunk.
I
told myself that I should stop drinking. but I'm not about
to listen to some dumb drunk who talks to himself.
|
Drunken
Point to Ponder: If you're suffering through a hangover,
are you a recovering alcoholic?
R2D2
walks into a bar and says, "!@#$%^&*()*&^%$#@!"
Q.
Which cocktail is made of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin
and Southern Comfort?
A. A Slow Comfortable Screw.
Weekend
Drinking Logic: One cigarette shortens your life by two
hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday
– eight hours. |
Q.
What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave?
A. A shot in the dark.
A
flock of birds walk walks into a bar, look around, then
head for the door. Bartender says, "Hey, what's the
matter?" One of the birds says, "This place looked
seedier from the outside."
Q.
How can you tell if an Amish person is an alcoholic?
A. They fall off the wagon. |
They're
filming a new Renee Zellweger movie in Cuba. It's called
"Bridget Jones Daiquiri."
A
banana walks into a bar and orders a daquari. The bartender
says, "Sorry, pal, but you've got to split."
Q.
How did the stoner feel when he fell into a vat of cannabis-infused
vodka?
A. He was in high spirits!
Men
have feelings, too. Sometimes they feel thirsty.
|
National
Tequila Day is July 24. I wasn't going to celebrate it,
but on second thought, I believe I will give it a shot.
A
crate of 2x4s walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey,
you're a crate of lumber!" The crate says, "Yeah,
wanna make something of it?"
Drunken
Asshole Words of the Day: I like my women like I like my
whiskey – light brown, from the South, and kept in
a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions.
|
I
drank so much that I'm donating my liver to science fiction.
Drinking
Fact of the Day: You might be an alcoholic if you already
knew that National Martini Day is June 19.
Cocktail
Hour Groan of the Day: I'm currently in the planning stages
of a hangover.
Q.
Why did the college freshman blow chunks all over the house?
A. Because he wasn't party trained.
Q.
Which morning after cocktail must you enjoy with
a close friend nearby?
A. A Buddy Mary. |
A
blonde goes into a bar. Bartender asks her what she'd like
and she replies, "Bring me a beer." Bartender
asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" Blonde answers, "Fine
thanks, and how's your cock?"
Q.
What do you call it when a prisoner drinks vodka out of
a coffee cup?
A. A mug shot!
High
Point to Ponder: If you drink from a bottle of vodka that
was blessed by a priest, are you full of the Holy Spirit?
Drunken
Point to Ponder: If you're an alcoholic if you
drink too much vodka, then are you Fantastic if
you drink too much orange soda?
|
We're
guessing National Margarita Day is February 22 because you
need a reason to drink the week after Valentine's Day, one
way or the other.
Q.
What do they say about drinking too much tequila?
A. I can't remember.
Mt.
McKinley, Mt. Everest, and Mt. Rainier walk into a bar.
Bartender says, "Hey, this place is out of your range."
Q.
Which brand of vodka do Canadians drink?
A. Grey Moose.
I
plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic so I'll know it's
a match. |
|
Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
|
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
|
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
Puns |
You're still
standing, so here's even more canned
laughter, fluid humor,
wacky jokes and swacked
painful puns that you'll remember
tomorrow:
|
More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Blonde Smiles | Broncos
Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Diet
Humor | Ghost Puns | Hipster
Jokes | Horse Humor |
| Locksmith Laughs | Manl
Man Jokes | Monday Puns | Music
Jokes | Pickled Puns | Pirate
Jokes | Police Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Salad
Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Sports
Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Weed
Jokes | Wife Jokes |
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for stopping by and see you again soon!
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