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Pub
Jokes, Drunk Puns, Bottled Up Drinking Jokes
Join
the after party with intoxicating pub puns, inebriating bar jokes and
drunken humor.
Drunken Puns, Bar Jokes, Happy Hour Humor
(Because Funny Bar Jokes and
Drunken Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream After
Happy Hour is Over!) |
Warning:
Proceed at Your Own Risk! Stirred jokes, not shaken humor, buzzed
laughs and brew pub puns ahead.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor and Brewed Puns
| 1 | 2 |
3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Lovers Jokes | 2
| 3 | Women
Drinking Jokes | Manly Drinking Jokes
| Drunken Gnomes |
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into the Bar | Space Bar Puns
| Scary Drinks | Holiday
Drinks |
An
empty bottle walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry,
I can't serve you. You're already drunk."
Godot
walks into a bar. Bartender says, "There are two guys
waiting here for you."
Tequila
is a great drink because while you're drinking it, you feel
like a cactus. The only problem is in the morning, the needles
all grow inward.
"Your
finest Scotch, please." So the guy at Staples hands
me a 12-year-old roll of tape...
Q.
What should you do with an old inventory of Kentucky Bourbon?
A. Liquidate it, one mellow sip at a time. |
Wine
improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.
Q.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
A. Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Vine
Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Q.
How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. You can order blood wine in Klingon, Ferengi, Klingon
and Vulcan.
"Accept
what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All
wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but
with others, drink the whole bottle." – Paulo
Coelho
|
The speed of light is when you take a bottle of beer out
of the refrigerator before the light comes on.
Q.
Why was the auto mechanic at the brew pub earlier than usual
today?
A. Because he tankard with some clunker all day,
to no av-ale.
Today's
Dark Thought: I'll be Bock!
Warning:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to dance like some
goofy video game character.
Q.
At the craft beer pub in Breckenridge, what is the drunk
guy's favorite kind of skis?
A. Brewskies! |
Cow
walks into a bar. Bartender asks what she'd like. Cow says,
"Moonshine."
Another
cow walks into the bar wearing priest's robes. Bartender
says, "Holy cow!"
A
calf walks into a bar, but the bartender refuses to serve
him because he's under age. So the calf stomps out saying,
"Fine, I'll just go some udder place."
A
dachshund walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a
long one.
Q.
What is a worst-case rescue scenario?
A. The Saint Bernard arrives with an empty keg around his
neck. |
I
want my last words to be "Hold my beer and watch this..."
Beer,
because you don't make new friends with salad.
Q.
When shouldn't you serve red wine at room temperature?
A. When you live in an igloo or ice palace.
Q.
Why are ghosts so popular at Halloween parties?
A. 'Cause they always bring the boos!
Q.
Why is a beer better than religion?
A. If you did devote your life to beer, there are groups
to help you stop.
|
I
can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids
instead of because of them!
Wine
is the most civilized thing in the world.
– Ernest Hemingway
Bartender
Fact of the Day: Bartenders do it however you like it!
A
tissue walks into a bar and the bartenders asks if he wants
a drink. Tissues says, "No you idiot, it'll go right
through me." Bartender replies, "Well, you don't
have to get all snotty about it.
Q.
In which spot did the Riesling finish the race?
A. Number wine! |
If you can't be with the one you love, why not just love
the wine your with?
It's
a vine day for a glass of wine!
Wine
Lovers Thought of the Day: I've got joy in my heart and
a glass of merlot in my hand. Coincidence?
Fine
Wine Fact of the Day: Men are like fine wine. They start
out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the crap out
of them until they turn into something acceptable to have
dinner with. |
Q.
What happened when Thomas Edison walked into a bar?
A. The bartender said, "Okay, I'll serve you, but don't
get any ideas!"
Wish
you were beer!
The
answer may not be at the bottom of a beer bottle, but you
should always check.
Q.
What did the blonde leave the Broncos tailgating party crying?
A. Because they ran out of Coors Light in left-handed cans.
|
Beer!
Drink all you want, they'll make more!
Every
loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could've
become beer, but did not.
Q.
What is one difference between beer and women?
A. Beer makes you happy for nothing, and women make you
angry for nothing.
Q.
What did the bartender say to the fish that walked into
the bar?
A. Shouldn't you be in school? |
A
professional bowler walks into a bar. Bartender says, "I'm
sorry, we just ran out of clean glasses." The bowler
replies, "That's okay, I've got a spare."
Q.
What did the bartender say to the gecko that walked into
the bar?
A. So, you're looking for some tail?
Is
it Saturday Night Yet? Let's get ready to stumble.
Corn
on the cob walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Wanna
hear a good joke?" Corn replies, "Sure, I'm all
ears."
Sobering
Point to Ponder: If an alchoholic gets whiskey dick, does
a heroine user get poppycock? |
Q.
What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered
a martini?
A. Olive Or Twist?
A
German walks into a bar and orders a Martini. Bartender
asks, "Dry?" German guy replies, "Nein, just
one."
An
SEO expert walks, moseys, rambles, strides, steps, rides,
runs, trots, into a bar...
Q.
What is it called when a prisoner drinks hooch out of a
coffee cup?
A. A mug shot.
Q.
What do you call a Bohemian who gets thrown out of a bar?
A. A Bounced Czech.
|
A
steer walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Have you herd
any good jokes lately?"
A
guy and a dog are having a few drinks at the bar. So the
dog says, "That's ruff, but you think your wife's a
bitch?"
Q.
Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny?
A. Because her lips stick.
Q.
What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at
a Tupperware party?
A. They're both looking for a tight seal.
Bartender
Wisdom of the Day: Whiskey may not be the answer, but it's
surely worth a second shot. |
|
Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor and Brewed Puns
| 1 | 2 |
3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
|
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
|
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
|
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
Puns |
You've bounced this far, so
here's more happy hour humor,
buzzed jokes,
drunken laughter and stirring
painful puns for olive you
to enjoy:
|
More
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
|
Astronaut Jokes | Blonde
Jokes | Broncos Jokes |
Chef Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Criminal Puns | Hipster
Jokes |
| Light Bulb Jokes | Married
Jokes | Music Jokes | Pickled
Puns | Pirate Jokes | Police
Jokes | Religion Jokes |
| Saturday Puns | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Weed
Jokes | Zombie Jokes |
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for stopping by and see you again soon!
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Painfulpuns.com
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