Garden Factoid: After winter, all the trees are both relieved and releafed!

Q. How can you tell spring is here?
A. Your squirrel's nuts have thawed out.

Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in a mattress? They got married in the spring.

Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May...

Q. What did the bee say to the the first spring flower?
A. Hi there, Honey.

Ferny Spring Thought of the Day: With fronds like this, who needs anemones?

Q. What does a comedian spring-blooming tree say after it tells a teaser joke?
A. Not! I was just pollen your leg.

Q. What kind of flower bouquet does a pickle send to his best girl to celebrate the first day of spring?
A. Dilly of the Valley.

Q. When do big boys and girls jump on the trampoline?
A. Spring Break.

Q. Why did the blonde get a pogo stick?
A. She wanted to add a little spring to her step.

Q. Which kind of soap do dolphins use for spring cleaning?
A. All porpoise cleaner.

Spring Cleaning Point to Ponder: If you drop a bar of soap on the floor, does it become dirty, or does the floor become clean?

Q. Why did the door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman quit his job during the busy spring cleaning season?
A. The customers used dirty language.

Q. Why did the blonde decide to sell her vacuum cleaner after doing her spring cleaning?
A. 'Cause it was just collecting dust. DUH!

Q. Where is the most spring cleaning done in the Pacific Northwest?
A. Tacoma, Washing Ton.

Q. How did the avid gardener feel about Spring?
A. He was so excited that he wet his plants!

Q. Which week-long spring Dutch event commemorates the pleasures of kissing
A. The Two-Lip Festival.

Q. Watt did the big tulip blossom say to the little bulb?
A. Wassup, Bud?

Q. How is the alphabet letter A like a Spring flower?
A. Both have a Bee coming after them.

Q. Which kind of spring flower can whistle the best?
A. Tulips.

Q. Why did the spring tulip flower use an online dating app?
A. It was looking for some-buddy to love.

Q. Why did the calendar have to go see a doctor?
A. Because it had a terrible year-ache due to spring pollen allergies.

Q. What is a frog's favorite early spring flower?
A. Croak-us!

Q. What did the big garden flower say to the small spring bloom?
A. What's up, bud?

Q. Which beer do smart botanists prefer during the spring?
A. Budweiser!

Q. Which comedic movie was about a rosy-colored springtime flower container?
A. The Pink Planter.

Q. Which liquid plant food is a treat for late spring flowers?
A. Root beer.

Q. What do you call a gardener with a frog in her hair?
A. Lily.

Q. Which late spring flowers are the favorite of kettle corn?
A. Poppies.

Q. What do you call new spring designer fashions that are so ridiculous that people openly chuckle at them?
A. Apparel of laughs.

Q. What is it called when a clothing designer talks to reporters about her new spring line?
A. Fashion statements.

Q. Why didn't the audience enjoy the highly promoted spring fashion show in Milan?
A. 'Cause there were so many posers there.

Q. Why are burlap pants becoming a hot spring fashion trend?
A. 'Cause stylish folks are just itching to show them off.

Q. Why is it so hard to talk to blondes about new spring fashion trends?
A. 'Cause it just goes in one year and out the other.

Q. Why did the blonde go outdoors in mid March with her purse open?
A. Because they predicted change in the weather.

Q What is every pastry chef's favorite spring holiday?
A. Pi Day!

Q. How many calories are in a gram of strawberry pie baked up to celebrate the March 14th holiday?
A. 3.1459265.

Q. How can you tell you're getting close to a pie shop?
A. The billboard you just pased said it's 3.14 miles ahead.

Q. Which kind of snake measures about 3.14 feet long by mid March?
A. A Pi-thon.

Q. How many pastry chefs does it take to make the best spring pie?
A. 3.14.

March 14 Point to Ponder: Is an opinion without 3.14159 just an onion?

Sweet Pi Day Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, you look sweeter than pi!

St. Patrick's Day Point to Ponder: If you drink green beer on St. Patrick's Day, is that considered a vegetable?

Q. What did the blonde lass say on March 17?
A. Irish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Q. Why do little space men always turn green when they land on Earth?
A. Turbulence, and green beer on St. Patrick's Day!

Alien Point to Ponder: Would an Earthling pinch a naked green alien on St. Patrick's Day?

Q. Which green drink do horny leprechauns drink on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Mount 'N Do.

Q. Which musical instrument did the show-off leprechaun play on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Brag-pipes.

Q. What do leprechauns eat on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Unicorned beef.

Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's day?
A. Real rocks are too heavy.

Q. Why can't you iron a four-leaf clover?
A. You shouldn't press your luck!

Q. Who was the Irish guy bouncing off the pub walls on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Rick O'Shay.

Q. How can you tell an Irishman had a fun St. Patrick's Day?
A. He's Dublin over with laughter.

Q. What do you get if you cross a pillowcase and a stone?
A. A Sham Rock!

Q. Why did the blonde say "NO" when her boyfriend proposed on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because she didn't want a shamrock.

Q. What do you call a fake Irish stone?
A. A shamrock.

St. Patrick's Day Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, I'm ready to sham rock your world!

Q. Which month do soldiers like the least?
A. March.

Q. Why do college basketball players get so excited in March when the make it to the last hole in golf?
A. 'Cause they love the final fore!

Q. What do you call a big Irish spider that plays basketball?
A. Paddy-Long-Legs.

Q. What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?
A. Two points.

Q. Why do bullfrogs love St. Patrick's Day?
A. Because they're already wearing green!

Q. What do you get if you cross St. Patrick's Day and Christmas?
A. St. O'Claus!

Q. What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick's Day?
A. Green Boos!

Q. Why did the orange root veggie decide to wear a costume to Mardi Gras?
A. It was a mask-carrot party.

Q. How long will the Easter Bunny celebrate?
A. He'll party around the cluck.

Q. Why did the Easter egg hide?
A. Because it was a little chicken.

Q. Where does the Easter Bunny eat breakfast?
A. At IHOP.

Q. How do you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A. Via Hare Mail.

Q. How do we know the Easter Bunny IS really smart?
A. Because he's an egghead!

Q. What do you call a mischievious Easter egg?
A. A practical yolker!

Q. How does the Easter Bunny always stay so fit?
A. He eggs-ercises.

Q. What happened when the Easter Bunny misbehaved at school?
A. He was egg-spelled!

Q. Why is everybody so tired on April 1?
A. Because they just finished a long 30-day March!

Q. When do monkey's fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers.

Q. Which mad scientist played a trick on his monster on April Fool's Day?
A. Prankenstein.

Q. What did the blonde say when asked if she knew about April 1?
A. Yes, I'm fooly aware of it!

Q. What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day?
A. On one you're thankful, on the other you're prankful!

Q. What did the blonde say when asked if she knew about April 1?
A. Yes, I'm fooly aware of it!

Q. Which monster should you fear on April 1?
A. Prankenstein!

Q. When is the official Rest Day holiday?
A. 420.

Q. Why did the blonde baseball player put springs on his cleats?
A. Because he was getting ready for spring training.

Q. Why do the ladies love the opening day of the baseball season?
A. Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Q. How do you describe the major league spring scout’s effect on the baseball team?
A. Pro Found.

Q. Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost for the season opener?
A. 'Cause they needed a little team spirit.

Q. Why should you always bring along a baseball player when you go on a pring camping trip?
A. Because they know how to pitch a tent.

Q. Why did the blonde join a softball team in May?
A. She wanted to have a spring fling.

Q. What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns about spring training?
A. You're left in stitches.

Q. Which spring holiday do sea captains dread most?
A. May Day! May Day! SOS!

Q. What is Yoda's favorite day of year?
A. May the 4th!

Q. When is Earth Day for Yoda?
A. May the 4th.

Q. Why did the blonde toss her jar of mayonaise into the river on May 5?
A. 'Cause it was Cinco de Mayo. DUH!

Q. Which rootn' tootin' May holiday is celebrated by eating way too many refried beans?
A. Stink-o de Mayo.

Q. What happened after the guy put his foot through the trampoline in his yard?
A. He's had a spring in his step ever since.

Q. What did the spring robin say to the early worm?
A. I'll catch cha later...

Q. Which non-contagious affliction did the trampoline suffer fromr?
A. Spring fever.

Q. What is it called when you start to write a poem, but start to itch and sneeze?
A. A spring elegy attack.

Q. Why did the mattress go see a doctor?
A. Because it had spring fever.

Q. Which kind of flowers are most appropriate on Mother's Day?
A. Mums!

Q. Which May holiday is devoted to overly doting moms?
A. Smothers Day.

Q. Which spring holiday features both ragtime and wrap music?
A. Mummies Day.

Q. Why do mummies enjoy Mothers Day so much?
A. They get to relax and unwind!

Q. Do mummies celebrate Mothers Day?
A. Yes, of corpse!

Q. If moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day, what is a single guy's holiday?
A. Palm Sunday.

Q. What does a snake take to relieve its spring allergy symptoms?
A. Anti-hiss-tamines.

Q. Which Roman emperor suffered from spring seasonal allergies?
A. Julius Sneezer.

Q. Which kind of insect takes a lot of pictures of spring crocus, daffodil, and tulip blossoms?
A. A Shutterbug.

Q. Why do fashion models always smile during late spring thunder storms?
A. Because they think they're having their pictures taken.

You might be from Colorado if you normally expect snow on Easter, Mother's Day, Halloween, and Thanksgiving ­ but not on Christmas.

Q. What do you call a Colorado spring skier who tells tall tales on April 1?
A. A snow fake.

Q. What do jewelers call March, April, and May birthstones?
A. Spring bling.

Q. Why do the birds and the bees enjoy March 21 so much?
A. Cause that's the time to spring into action!

Q. Why do clocks like March better than October?
A. 'Cause they get to spring forward.

Q. Who is a blue Colorado tree seedling's favorite singer?
A. Spruce Springsteen.

Q. What do you call early sweet cherries picked in late May?
A. Spring Bings.

Q. How do you describe the crowd of people attending the Memorial Day parade?
A. Respectable.

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